I am not a man who is shy about a burger. I’ll try them all.
You want to throw bacon and avocado on it? Let’s do it. You marinate it in miso and add diced shishito peppers? Sounds good. Meatless patty and carmelized onions? WHY NOT.
But if I’m being truly honest, the thing I look for in a burger is simplicity. I want to taste the meat, I want the cheese and bun ratio to be on point, and if there are any additions then they better be adding to what’s on the plate- not distracting from it.
I don’t look for sauces or gimmicks, I just look for execution. And with that being said, I’m going to release my first ever Foodernatch Burger Ladder.
BUT FIRST THE RULES:
- These rankings are based entirely on what I like. If you love thousand island so much, then go write your own burger ladder you sauced-up dickhead.
- These rankings change based on my latest experiences. That might mean a new restaurant came in and kicked my tastebud’s ass. That might mean I returned to an old favorite and got a meal that wasn’t quite as good as the first time. And it might just mean that I’m a cranky little bitch who had a bad day and took it out on the rankings.
- I obviously haven’t tried every burger in LA. But if you think I’m missing out on something, I want to hear about it. Hit me up at @foodernatch and let me know what your favorite burger is. Maybe it makes the monthly reshuffle! Just please don’t call me a nerd because I’m a very cool guy.
- That’s it. It’s a burger ladder, calm down.
7/12/19 – The July Burger Ladder
Electric Owl – This was a tough one. The number one and number two on this list have been neck and neck
basically since they opened, and I know they happen to be friends as well. But Electric Owl has blown me away twice now. Imagine a marriage between Umami Burger’s sophistication and the downright meat-joy of our reigning number 2, Burgers Never Say Die. The smash burger (which will be a pattern in this ladder) at Electric Owl is simply a home run of flavor, style, presentation, and wow factor. The pickles, the light mustard sauce, the onions… they all add up to a singular and incredible taste.
Burgers Never Say Die – On any given day I could flip this with the number one spot, as the smashed and 
crispy-edged burgers at BNSD hit the spot for any craving. They keep it simple. The thin patties, stacked on top of each other, combine perfectly with the squishy bun and melted cheese, for a burger that does an amazing job of never leaving any one bite with too much or too little. It’s seared to perfection with some of the best fries I’ve ever eaten. And I’m only in it for the meat, so you know they made an impression if it was worth mentioning. I do wish they had a grilled onion option, but let’s not get fancy. The meat, the salt, and the way it’s cooked are enough to keep this baby atop the ladder for a long time.
Love Hour – As far as I know, LOVE HOUR Los Angeles only does pop ups for the time being. I happened to find them at one of my favorite spots in the city, Smorgasburg LA. They went from the occasional vendor to a mainstay, serving up burgers every Sunday in ROW DTLA. The burgers, like everything on the top of this list, are all about the proper ratio. These guys could easily sneak into the top two, but I’ve only had it one time, and so they’re squarely behind our meat giants until I get another chance to nosh one down. What I do remember is a harmony of thinly grilled and salted meat, smashed on the edges but surprisingly meaty in the middle, with the cheese and bun melted together to perfection. They also allow you to top it however you want, which has some pros and cons. It’s nice to decide the exact amount of anything you’re adding, but you lose a little of the cohesion that comes when added in the cooking process.
Goldburger – Another pop up makes the list in a top spot, and another great burger that could easily be my
favorite in LA if only I had it more than once. Goldburger was actually my introduction to the smashburger (aside from George Motz’s instagram) and it did not disappoint. You might notice that I like my burgers smashed, with onions, and not over-seasoned. Goldburger nails every single one of those boxes. They’re also not afraid to get a little experimental, tossing pastrami on a burger for an event and some other outside-the-box serve-em-ups. This is a burger that you most definitely will need a third and fourth napkin for, but that is never a problem for this guy.
Umami Burger – Don’t hate me for being a basic bitch. You can say whatever you want now that it’s been
years since Umami took Los Angeles by storm, but they are still serving up an incredible little burger for the masses. Whether or not you think the locations popping up all over ended up watering down the consistent greatness of the meal (I find them guilty), you can’t argue with the taste of that truffle burger. While the portion isn’t huge and you need to pretty much always get a side or two to leave happy, the flavor and consistency is something that keeps me coming back for more. Also, for some reason Jon Bon Jovi’s son got to create a new burger, and there’s a picture of him on their website drinking a glass of white wine, so like, tons of bonus points for whatever the fuck is going on there.
In-N-Out – Speaking of things that have been done to death, here’s a little ditty about probably the most 
famous west coast burger there is. You obviously know everything about it, you obviously know about the secret menu, you obviously know the price is pretty damn good, you obviously know everyone there smiles, and you obviously know they fry up a quick and nice little burger. This one takes number six for me mostly because when I’m craving a fast and delicious burger, In-N-Out satisfies the craving every single time. Although, for my own tastes, I always get it with cheese and grilled onions only, making it more similar to my beloved smash burgers. Plus, there’s religious stuff written on the cups, so… that gives you some light googling to do while you wait for your number to be called. *shrug emoji*
Big Dean’s Ocean Front Cafe – The lone burger on this list that gets placement for the atmosphere as much
as they do for the food, Big Dean’s is a great place to grab a giant beer, do some people watching, and house a classic beach burger in the sun. The no frills burger with the old school sesame seed bun is the perfect palate cleanser if the smashed and gourmet burger trends of Los Angeles have you looking for something with a little more history. That being said, it’s one of the best burgers in Los Angeles, and although the 32 ounce Pacificos definitely help the situation, I’ve been there sober, too. Add in the TV’s plus the delightful weirdos on the boardwalk and you’ve got yourself a perfect little pig-out afternoon. Just make sure you bring some sunscreen and maybe a really cool visor (I know, I know… they’re all really cool).
Burger Lounge – Another chain that hits my list, but I just can’t deny how much I like Burger Lounge. In fact,
when I started this list and asked my wife, it was one of the first things that came to her mind because of how often I rave about it. But this isn’t about her, so please don’t ask me about the state of my marriage. This is about Burger Lounge. And while I love their flavor, the way they cook to temperature, the onion rings that are so good I refuse to let my wife eat any of mine (our marriage is FINE), and the general vibe and customer service… the real hero is the ingredient list. The meat is grass-fed, the ingredients are organic and local whenever they can be, and their website gives you a traceable story about everything you’re about to eat. For a 6-10 dollar cheese burger, you can’t do better or feel better about a choice than Burger Lounge.
Stout – Okay, at this point I’ll be honest, I’m reaching. Stout makes a perfectly good burger, but this is mostly
a reminder that I need to try some other places. Stout is well-positioned in the “gourmet burger” category, and they’ve got a killer craft beer list to back it up. It isn’t my favorite burger in LA, and it’s never a place I need to get to, but any time it’s offered as a meeting place or drink spot, the burger is a nice treat. They have plenty of options, so pretty much anything you can imagine you can order, but sometimes I can get a little overwhelmed by the menu. In a perfect world, the seating would be a bit more plentiful and the vibe would be a little less trendy, but they do make a damn solid beef patty.
Belcampo Burger – The Belcampo Burger felt very much like another one of those “have-to-try” burgers that
I’ve heard about in my time in LA. By every account, the meat they sell is top notch, no matter how you decide to prepare it. And while the patty tasted freshly ground and wasn’t overwhelmed with too much seasoning, the burger just didn’t do it for me. It was pretty standard fare, with the biggest problem being that the bun was a little dried out and much larger than the patty. If you’re left with a few bites of bread after you finish a burger, something went wrong. It never felt like a cohesive unit, but rather a nice patty with a lot of cheese on top, placed on top of a bun at the last second. The meat was stellar, and I’m willing to give it another try, but I’m also hopeful to find some new favorites this month. My eye is especially caught by the Window at American Beauty.
*lol an editor’s update: Belcampo was just found to substitute their meat with cheaper cuts, and they’re shuttering all their locations. I’m glad you were my last pick!*
Anyway, that’s been the Foodernatch Burger Ladder for the month of July, 2019. If you have a spot you think I’m an idiot for not trying, make sure you leave a comment or head over to the Foodernatch instagram and let me know!
(But maybe don’t call me an idiot unless you feel very strongly that that’s true)
*photos for Umami, LOVE HOUR, Electric Owl, In-N-Out, Big Dean’s, Burger Lounge, and Stout were taken from instagram. I forgot to get a picture of the burger because I’M NOT PERFECT*
Also, you made it this far, so you will be rewarded with the weird picture of the Bon Jovi boys posing at Umami Burger with their wine.
